The Christmas season has not been as painful as I thought it would be. I’ve been distracted with new faces and new places. Christmas parties from St. Joseph to Blue Springs, trying to make the most of the free time I have before school starts. But mainly trying to remain with my attention devoted among things not involving him. It’s hard, hell, it’s hard … but I’m trying to go forward with my head held high.
The one thing I want for Christmas is something I can’t have. I want to see a little angel who I haven’t seen in 4 months. It’s not about her father, at this point, that situation isn’t budging, and I’m okay with that. It’s about seeing her. That sweet, innocent face … with those charming blue eyes that never cease to warm your heart. I hope she knows how much I love and care about her. As much as I radiate it, you’d think she’d feel it from here. To the beautiful child who I love dearly … I have not forgotten you, quite the contrary. I think of you every second of every day. I tell your father to tell you how much I love and miss you each morning before he picks you up. He won’t allow me to see you … and I have to respect his wishes, no matter how much it hurts me/you. I love you, baby moose … and I’m sending you my love over the holiday season. I hope you know I will always be here for you, and that it’s NOT my choice to have not seen you.
Christmas. Without you two, it’s a waste of time.
Damnit, I started crying again … not cool, Dani … not cool.