Roxy, Gus, Lucy, Danielle, Tyson – Jones.
You do not have the right to quit trying, the universe wobbles when you do.
You have the right to quit toxic people …They’re contagious.
You know the type. The people in your life who constantly cause you some sort of mental anguish because of how they treat you. They’ll apologize for being an asshole, and then eventually return right back to that behavior. There is something fundamentally disturbing about someone who is loving and kind upon convenience – and then reverts back to aforementioned behavior when they no longer need you.
Getting rid of these kinds of people doesn’t mean you don’t love them, or that you’re angry (but you can be either of those things, perfectly understandable), it simply just means that you’re exhausted of the bullshit.
We’ve all had people in our lives that treat us wonderfully when it’s convienent. I’ve recently learned that even though you love a person, you can’t continue to put up with this kind of, well, abuse. I’ve got a friend (dated for a couple years in college, became friends, have been nothing but friends since) that’s married, whose wife (apparently) was insecure about our friendship, and he supplemented that insecurity with saying that I initiate our conversations and making me into some crazy girl, as to soothe her immature notions. The weird part about all of it is that after he got married, we patched our friendship (after he apologized for being an ass, as he usually does), and we kept in touch on a normal basis .. as friends do. He’d call every couple of weeks, text me funny things every few days … and then it stopped. I pretty much automatically assumed that his wife had some kind of issue with him talking to me (which is so ridiculous for so many reasons, but I will refrain). He then texted to tell me that he was sorry, but ”couldn’t text me anymore”. I was pretty bummed, got really upset for a while, but eventually understood. Keep in mind, Tyson and I don’t have that kind of relationship, so the idea of my husband banning me from talking to someone is really forigen to me. We haven’t spoken much since, except for a few texts he sent when he heard I was engaged and then a few when he heard I was pregnant. I know that he checks up on me from time-to-time, as I do him, because we have that kind of history. I figured that from his tone of his text, that things had cooled down and whatever issue his wife took with me was over (I mean, I’m 20 weeks pregnant and married, for christ sake). Not the case. I made the (apparently unfortunate) mistake of commenting on something he was tagged in (in a funny, friendly, pleasant way), and then one of his statuses … which resulted in a couple of unwarranted weird, nasty comments from him and his wife, him saying he blocked me, and then him blocking me. After a few days, I noticed him popping up in my newsfeed again (we have a ton of mutual friends), and I knew that I had been unbanished. Keep in mind that I’ve done nothing wrong, and nothing disrespectful towards him or his marriage – again, I’m huge and pregnant, married to a man I love, and live 3 states away. My phone backs up and saves all my text conversations, so I’ve even gone back to try and figure out what went wrong … finally a resolution, “it’s not you, doormat – it’s him”.
It’s frustrating because it means that someone has lied about me … someone who knows that I’ve done nothing but send love and positive vibes their way, even though I probably should have walked away a long time ago. I don’t understand this stuff, especially the public, High Schoolesque, Facebook nonsense. It’s just rude and unnecessary. This guy is not a mean guy, he’s not a douchebag, it’s just that for some reason, he has these cycles of acting like one.
I’m sure that most of you can relate to this experience in some way. I hesitated writing much about this because really, in the scheme of my life, it really isn’t that big of a deal … it just, well, sucks. Especially because this person was my best friend, someone who knew me better than anyone (and vice versa) … and maybe that’s why it hurts more than some random person who can’t tell me from the next.
I really just wanted to vent on here because I haven’t much lately. Writing when you’re happy has proved to be more difficult – but I accept that with open arms. I have a husband that’s way too awesome for me, a puppy who never ceases to brighten my day, and a little girl … who desperately I can’t wait to meet. When I think of a pending deployment a month after Lucy is born, it makes all the little, petty fights in life seem ridiculously stupid and worthless. I was hoping that I’d have this friend around when those tough months come, but I’ve accepted that it’s not going to happen. It sucks, but it’s better than being upset over dumb shit I can’t fix.
So there’s your long entry, Awkward-Balloon followers. I know I owe an entry about my marriage, baby stuff, and life in Texas soon. I’ve got to back-to-back exams for college, and then I’m all yours. This time, I promise for real.
Starting to realize that the worst part about growing up isn’t that your friends scatter – distance is fixable. It’s that they change, usually into people you barely recognize. Therefore, the people you knew to exist, well, die.
OR – is it that with age we become smarter, more observant – and because of that, become more aware of their true identities, traits, and behaviors?
Rather, the things that frustrate you about this person, were maybe things you never saw until you took a step back … But they’ve always been the same. It’s hard to tell if something’s an an asshole if your face is too close, you know. You can quote me on that, I know I’m brilliant.
There’s a follow up entry coming, but Roxy (and Lucy) needs to eat breakfast. Much later.
(the same ol’ Dani)
Well, it finally happened. I turned 25. 24 came and went pretty quickly … Learned a lot, got hurt, stood back up, found life again. It’s been a crazy ride, but I’m happy that I’m on this side of my 20′s. The beginning half was full of a lot of pain and heartache, but lessons were learned and I am the wiser because of it.
A few sneak peaks of my special day:
Today was so perfect.
… And one more big present but I can’t post a pic until tomorrow.
Thank you all who made my birthday so special. You know who you are.
So many new and exciting things happening in 2013 … Big and small.
Wishing all my Awkward Balloon followers the best … More blogs, updates, and exciting news to come soon.
I’m aware I haven’t written anything of substance lately. Mostly fluff about my relationship or decorating my house, which I know isn’t interesting to 99.9% of you. And so … I will write something else.
Central Texas weather this time of year is lovely. It ranges between 70-80ish degrees most of the time, no rain, and always a breeze. I’m considering it payback for the 100+ degree, humid weather we had when I moved here (absolutely miserable). I’m enjoying each day as we get it.
Most people start conversations about the weather because they don’t want to share about anything else, or they have nothing to offer up.
There are times I find myself beyond lonely here. My friends and family are all divided between two cities (OKC, OK and KC, MO), and after losing my job, the prospect of traveling seems impossible – and the thought of driving 10 hours exhasts me. Don’t get me wrong, Tyson is an amazing best friend and boyfriend – we spend most of our time laughing and experiencing new things … but I need to get out of this house and find a niche somewhere.
I might try art classes at the civic center, or even auditing a class I’m interested in at the local college. My hope is that I’ll meet some people to hang out with. Ah, I sound so ridiculous.
I should get off of here and have a glass of wine and curl up in my new bed